My friend Mattie wanted me to pass along this bit of wisdom to all her young females who are just starting out on life’s journey. She calls it “Six things I bequeath to you”
- I leave you my six-inch high heel shoes, the ones that made my feet scream at me as I strolled across the floor looking cute, trying to hide the pain that stabbed with each step. Despite the podiatrists’ warnings, they are now back in style.
- I leave you my mini skirts that rose up whenever I sat down revealing parts of my body better left hidden. Try having a serious conversation with a man when his eyes are drawn not to your face, but to your legs.
- I leave you my push-up bras. Same reason as above.
- My false eyelashes that made me look like a lovesick cow. It was hard to keep them on my eyelids. Maybe today the glue is better. I lost one once and wondered why people looked at me strangely.
- I leave you my children during their teenage years when they become creatures from another planet. What they put me through during their hormonal changes I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. When I’m in my dotage and they’ve grown into loving, respectful, and responsible adults, I’ll take them back
- I leave you my cheating husbands and lovers. No details please, suffice it to say, you can have them.
I no longer worry about what others think of me. I welcome my spreading waistline, my graying locks, my droopy breasts, my failing eyesight and my growing wisdom. I welcome comfortable shoes, elastic-band sweat pants, oversize tee shirts and invisibility.
“Only six things?” I asked Mattie. “When I think of more, I’ll let you know.”
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